A quote that would best exemplify why this law exists is this:
“Dear, never forget one little point. It's my business. You just work here.”
-Elizabeth Arden, businesswoman, to her husband
The minute the husband acts up or is no good for her, *poof* gone. He’s dispensable regardless of their marriage ties or anything in the past.
The law is basically self-explanatory. Everything was mentioned there: appeal to people’s self-interest and not their mercy or gratitude. An example of a transgression of this law happened in Italy during the 13th century wherein Stefano di Poggio brought about his family’s generosity towards Castruccio Castracani to appeal to his better nature (make him feel guilty and in debt towards them). Since Castruccio had a huge obligation towards the Poggios, he invited them over to his place. Then he had them imprisoned and executed every single one of them. A favorite line of mine from the text was, “Castruccio rid himself of his obligations to the Poggios by eliminating the Poggios.” how morbidly funny, the irony. Before the Peloponnesian War, Corcyra and Corinth were trying to win Athens over as allies. Corinth’s plea was an exciting speech about all the good they did for Athens while Corcyra gave a boring offer was an intimidating alliance against the Spartans. Guess who won? Corcyra of course, this was because Athens is an advanced city and they were still progressing. How can one progress if another one keeps bringing up the past? It’s all about looking into the future.
Asking for help is an art: it requires the ability to understand the people you’re dealing with and not to confuse your needs with theirs. Some people would prefer you to feed their greed while others will gladly feed off your desperation (makes them feel superior towards you), which is why you have to be able to clearly read them. “Self-interest is the lever that will move people…When they ooze greed, do not appeal to their charity. When they want to look charitable and noble, do not appeal to their greed.” Power is all about manipulation: the people, the situation and the outcome.
Why is it easier though to remember one’s mistake and forget all the good one person has done?
- Gloria Gail C. Lim, K
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
51 comments:
I agree with your last line. Maybe the answer to that is the trust thing. It's so much harder to gain somebody's trust but once you do something to lose that, it will be almost impossible to regain it. Just a thought. :D --Loo
I have to agree with your last line. Most people, if not all, indeed have a tendecy to look more on the negative side of things rather than the positive ones. Because of this, people become more conscious of their actions. At first, this may sound good, but if you come to think of it, some may do things which they don't truly want to do. Still, they do it even if it's against their will in order to be in good graces with that person.
Tom Manahan
Hi 18- K
I really admire the usefulness of this law. Take for example charity organizations; charities that simply ask for donations or help are trying to appeal to the good side in people which is totally faultless. But the charities that really do last long are those that have a business side to it or is a charity where you can get something in return for the help that you give. Nowadays, a lot of companies donate or invest in charity-related businesses since they get monetary profits or shares and their image of social responsibility.
monica ang L
it's like media. whatever good that happens, it gets immediately overshadowed by a rape case or a plunder accusation or corruption here and there. Sad fact is that people want to see the good but what sells is the bad.
like our past presidents. hard to see it through the thickness of the fog but they have done great things too, we just didn't notice it because of the chaos that was happening during their term. I even think that Erap has done lots of good things, but what is he known for now?
Raf Sobrepena Hi - K
i have to agree with this law. nothing is free therefore when we ask for help, we have to make ourselves produce something instead of expecting charity. and making people feel good about themselves or feel that we are servicing them (or the things associated with them in some way) will ultimately help us. the only qualm i have with this law is that it doesn't teach us us to read people -- how do we know if they are greedy or charitable ?
kyra ballesteros Hi18K
Maybe this law should be used once we've found out what type of people we're dealing with, as Kyra pointed out.
I agree with this, though. There was a story that was told to me once: There was a woman asking help from different political officials because she needed money for her daughter's schooling (or something like that). Each politician she asked, refused to give her anything. After a while, though, ONE finally agreed. But he had a condition: His "donation" should be publicized--full of media and fanfare so people will think he's such a good guy.
The politician never wanted to help, really. I mean, maybe he did, but that was second in his mind. His first thought was the publicity he would gain from this action and the public's response to it and how it would help him.
We must always appeal to others' self-interest. Kinda like "Help me to help you." Otherwise, most people just wouldn't be interested.
Theresa Rosario Tan
Hi18k
Yeah, I like how you explained that you have to turn the tables on people to get them to help you. You have to get them to think you're helping them. If the Poggio's had threatened Castracani instead of making him feel guilty, it might have gone better for them.
Dominique Du, L
I think it's because when they make a mistake, you can assume that your better than them. When they do good to you, however, there is a sense of debt. Utang ng loob, as we say in Tagalog.
I also like what you said, "How can one progress if another one keeps bringing up the past? It’s all about looking into the future". The past is all but a memory. You can't do anything about it anymore. But the future is in your hands. And you want it to be as good as it can get.
Sam Bautista
Hi18-K
i agree with kyra and theresa. in applying this law, one has to get to know the person involved first. one has to find out if that person is greedy or charitable. if all that the person cares about is himself and how he will gain more, then you must approach him such that you appeal or make important that person's self-interests. you must reach out on his likes and find out how you can connect it with your goals. when you speak of that person's interests, you are calling his attention and that person will be interested to listen. help will likely come easily. you will be able to relate to each other well.
as for your last line, i find truth in this. for example, a person spends majority of his life doing good deeds. and then one day, that person makes a mistake and ends up doing something wrong. this action is magnified and this is where people will tend to focus on. people will remember this even though you've lived your life like a saint. but i guess one has to consider the kind of people involved and the situation. some people may simply disregard the wrong doing, forgive that person, and still see the positives that he or she has done. and if the wrong deed were also not so bad, then i think everything will be fine.
-Philip Albert T. Verde
Hi18 K
i like sam's point about the utang ng loob thing. that's a different point of view for the answer to your question, gail.
i was thinking more how people like to pity themselves, how people love drama. some people think that the more suffering they go through now merits them a better, happier ending because technically, they "did more" with their lives. how in the end, everything comes back to you. i guess they forget that karma isn't based on what happened to you but what you made happen to other people.
ocampo 18-k
Interesting law. I think this is very applicable within the Philippine community due to the fact that the idea of "utang ng loob" is widely practiced within the Philippines.
I know the feeling of people asking for your help, it could sometimes be annoying when they bring up the past and how you owe them so much.
Letting people know that they gain something by helping you would boost your chances with getting help from them. Man by nature always wants something out of doing favors (whether its for himself or for others).
If one could harness the power to make a mutual understanding between two parties, that individual would have the an advantage those who constantly bring up the past.
Hi- L Richard Hahn
@ Richard- I'm very familiar with "utang ng loob" and though I don't want to be hypocritical since I'm guilty of expecting people to treat me well because I may have done them a favor, I believe that people should not rely on this act of mercy that they are only lucky to sometimes receive.
The law talks about a time wherein you ask someone for help. This means that you are in a vulnerable position. When you are in this position and you STILL appeal to another's mercy or gratitude, to me, it just further emphasizes your low self-image and desperation--not good qualities one would want for a leader, and not intimidating by any means.
Regina Yulo
Hi 18 L
I guess it's all based on psychoanalysis. A person would somehow know if he/she could persuade someone else by using different tactics instead of saying something as it really is.
For instance, Jack tells Jill to treat him to dinner since he lent her his book in Economics. Jill somehow feels obliged to give Jack what he wants since she thinks she owes him something. The truth is, Jack just doesn't want to spend his allowance so he tricked Jill into treating him to dinner by letting her feel that she is indebted to him.
Although this approach works most of the time, I think it's inapt for people to do it since it seems to me like they're placing other people in a situation wherein they can't possibly deny their wish; hence, putting them in a trap. I consequently think that the law makes perfect sense.
Monica Copuyoc
Hi18-L
I have to agree with your last line as well because it is very true that people remember the bad more than the good, and I think this is so because if they see the more negative side of another person, it just reiterates that the person who is looking down on the other is much better or stronger.
It is also important that the person asking for help is not stepped on and can tell when this is happening already. I think it takes practice to master this "power" and people learn from their mistakes eventually.
Gia Fortun
Hi18 - K
I agree with this law. By reading this law, I thought that we should stop trying to get advantages because of personal ties and past happenings. Just like the example given (Elizabeth Arden), business should be dealed in business way. Although it might be difficult at first, in the long run, acting like strangers might help. When asking for help, we should not try to use our personal ties, but try to think about what they would want / need from me (to benefit themselves). This might sound very cool-headed, but I think this is the best way to ask help because this method would give us more responsibility and at the same time, less burden to the person whom we are asking help.
Yu Chin Hong
Hi18-K
Canadian Prime Minister Harper used this law to his advantage. During the election, his platform was very weak and his political will was not as evidently strong. However, when his campaign included the Canadians' interests in mind. When all his rivals were talking about general policies for Canada, Haper talked about concrete solutions that appealed directly to the people. Instead of talking about improved foreign policy, a stronger educational system, and economic improvements, Harper talked about immigration laws, a completely revamped public school system, and tax cuts. He knew that the only way he could get Canadians to vote for him was to make them see what he can do for the PEOPLE, and not just for the country. Even if his platform consisted of short-term solutions, it was more "digestible" for the people because it appealed to their self-interest. And it worked.
Chio Cebrero
Hi 18 L
i'd have to agree with what you said: "Self-interest is the lever that will move people.." Most people would act upon something if they know that they can gain something from it. "what's in it for me?" is usually the first question that would pop into people's mind when you ask them for help. Nevertheless, i do believe that there are still people who are selfless and just plain helpful that serving their interests doesn't really matter.
Kriska Rivadillo
Hi18 K
I suppose it's part of most of us to dwell on the mistakes, rather than all the goodness, because those are the surprising and the utmost disappointing feats a person has done. We tend to shoot a person with our anger whenever he or she has done wrong, because I guess what we want is for things to be perfect -- not the other way around. Especially when that person's very close to us, the tendency is for us to get hurt and that ends up scarring us emotionally. It's very hard for people to correct their wrongs, because those that forgive don't actually forget (that often).
Gliza Marasigan
Hi18-L
I honestly believe that the concept of charity is pretty much defunct. Sounds pretty depressing and down-right pessimistic, but hear me out.
Since when has gratuitous lending of one's time, talent and/or capital been a selfless act in most of the world's contexts? Easiest thing one would get out of the deal is to be able to generate more of the same, multiplying his start-up. But even on a more existential plane, being the charitable fellow would imply you want decent seating in Heaven come your time.
Basically, what I'm challenging is whether or not the law foresees that in some contexts, mercy or gratitude can actually be the point to be raised when asking for help. Because sometimes, that same mercy or gratitude is their self-interest.
Joey Palma
Hi18-K
Very interesting law to follow.
Honestly, it reminded me of my own law: "Despise the Free Lunch". By simply accepting what others could offer you for free, you are simply putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Nothing comes for free. And even if it does, it comes with strings attached. So when you help someone, that person can't help but feel that he's obliged to give something back.
In reaction to your question: I would like to point out that it could primarily be because it's innate in human nature. I mean, take our parents, for example. Most people our age complain that when they do something right and agreeable, their parents most often just look pass that, as if it didn't happen. But when they finally do something wrong...*poof* there goes the sermons, the punishments, and all sorts of parent-child warfare there could ever be. A small doze of negativity always affects the whole of a sum. Sad, but I guess that's life.
Chua Rojas, Serica
Hi18 - L
When you ask for help you really have to bait them. Pique their interest, that way you're sure you have something in return. If you're merely asking for help though their mercy or gratitude, you are relying on their kind hearts. Problem: What if they're not kind?
People today will only busy themselves with things they have time for or things that can profit out of.
- Roshmia Pundato
HI18-L
I agree with Joey probably a good example of this is Corporate Social Responsibility projects of some companies.
I mean, it may seem that charitable acts by some prominent companies are good, they're actually employed sometimes to take away the attention of the people from the real issues. For example, the environment, livable wages, and the like.
Alan Ortiz
HI 18 K
Being in the shadows of your predecessors is really a hard situation for anyone. The only way anyone could step out into the limelight is to bring out the best novelty with any resources at hand.:)
Cristal Rodriguez
Hi18-L
ooops. wrong blog comment.:|
-Cristal
its like seeing a small dot in a plain sheet of paper.
actually, its quite the same with "bad" people, if a "bad" person starts doing something "good", all the bad things he had done are put aside, right?
i think this law stresses the idea of having a thick line between black and white- no to gray areas.
Cristal Rodriguez
Hi18-L
I would have to agree with Sam's answer to your question.
The reason, I think, why people remember the bad things rather than the good things is because we don't like feeling indebted to others. When someone does something good to us, the social protocol is that you have to have a sense of, as Sam mentioned, "utang na loob". And having that "utang na loob" is very restricting, as what Monica mentioned in her Jack and Jill example.
You are being the one controlled rather than the one in control. And that's not power.
One thing I find really interesting though is that power cannot be manifested as well in the reverse condition. You don't necesarily have power even though you're the one in control. Why? Because those you control (who know they're being controlled) don't like restrictions and sooner or later, they will find a way to break free of those restrictions, just as Castruccio did.
I think, therefore, that this law is really important in power. You have to make people think that no one is in control of anyone. You have to make them think that it's a give and take relationship when in reality, the results are in your favor. Conceal your intentions: Law 3.
They say the capitalism works because everyone is greedy. Each capitalist is motivated not by charity but by self-interest and that helps the economy. So when appealing, appeal to their likes and a reply will be more likely than appealing to mercy.
Denis Flores
hi 18k
the best word i think that best describes this is
GAMITAN
simply because we're more likely to accept appeals that also benefit us.
much like trading, one good in place of another. let's face it, in this capitalist society, nothing comes for free.
JR Resma
Hi18 K
@ Tom:
You make it seem as if people are "forced" to act a certain way just to be in good graces with someone... but isn't that how society is? people are "expected" to act a certain way, sometimes even think a certain way to be in society's good graces?
Ah conformity, sometimes feels like you're forced to be someone you don't want to be, to act, think, dress a certain way...etc..but it is still a choice (why else would there be non-conformists)... sometimes you just have to gamble with the choices you make...
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Monica: I agree on your statement "the charities that really do last long are those that have a business side to it"...
Doesn't this remind you of hospitals nowadays? That the medical profession, though it's main goal is still to "improve someone's quality of life", is more of a business now. Who else can afford to improve their quality of life?
Those who have the money to pay for it... after all, it is a "give-and-take" thing...And like you said, they would rather invest on their "monetary PROFITS or shares and their IMAGE of social responsibility."
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Raf: While reading your comment, it made me think about celebrities and how some people are so engrossed with them... To the point that the phrase "bad publicity is good publicity" was coined. Like you said, "what sells is bad." Makes us seem very perverted if you ask me, but that's the sad truth.
And speaking of presidents, another good example would be Marcos... What would be the first thing people answer when you ask them, what happened during Marcos' term?
It's really sad though because we seem to define people by what they do, by their actions, but it's sometimes double-standard. If a child took money from his mother's wallet without permission, do we then say that the child is a thief or will grow up to be one?
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Kyra: If there is anything I picked up from this law, as well the the other laws is this: "diskarte mo na lang yan"
I don't think you can learn how to read people by just reading about it, it takes experience, basically trial and error... Sometimes some people are lucky because they just seem to be born with it, they have that innate sense of "understanding" others... And for me, these are the people that usually end up leaders or end up having power, that is if they know how to utilize it...
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Theresa: I totally agree with what you said...
Makes you wonder about humanity, (i like speaking in quotes) the idea of "all for one and one for all" co-exists with "every man for himself", that it morphs into this " i scratch your back if you scratch mine" ideology...
It's funny in a twisted way, what have we evolved to?
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Dominique: Yes, it just might have gone better for them, but we will never know that for sure. Who knows what Castracani might have thought had the Poggios tried the other tactic? He seems twisted enough, that he could actually be offended that he is seen as a "tyrant" blah blah, that he would like to show his "better nature"... Like I said, sometimes you just have to gamble and in the Poggios' case, they lost, big time.
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Sam: Yes, point well taken, "the future is in your hands. And you want it to be as good as it can get."
I believe the past is important, but if given the chance people would like the option of being able to edit it but you obviously can't, which is why you would, or should rather invest time on the present for a better future (sounds like some bank investment slogan). The past should never be forgotten, but it should not be brought up over and over again; it's how some people seem to end up being stuck in time. Would you want to be around people like that?
Cause sometimes that's fun, yeah remembering the good 'ol times, but that can get annoying, almost like a broken record.
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Philip: Yes, "i guess one has to consider the KIND OF PEOPLE INVOLVED and the situation." But that's the thing... I noticed that sometimes the person most affected by someone's wrongdoing is just an onlooker, not even the "victim" in the situation. They have the loudest and strongest opinions about it and are usually the ones who might have the hardest time forgiving that person... Is it just me or do other people notice it as well? Why is that so?
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Cristal: That's the thing, if a person who mostly did bad things in his life does something good, would you honestly think he's turning over a new leaf? Or would you think that he might be up to something?
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Serica: That made me think about trust... Some people find it hard to trust people as it is, others might find it easier... but one thing for sure, once that trust is broken, it's quite hard to gain back... regardless of whether the person found it easy to trust you or not in the first place... probably human nature too... makes you wonder though why some people seem to make the same mistake over and over again?
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Joey: It was stated in the entry that the person's self-interest can be one or both of those things you mentioned: mercy and gratitude. It is why a popular question with this law is, how can you tell the difference?
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Gliza: The mention of anger made me think about how it seems like a primitive emotion... Animals get angry (especially when territorial, so on and so forth)... but other emotions such as mercy seem to be one of the things that make us human and not animals because it seems entirely above and beyond ourselves. But we will never lose that instinctive, primal side of ourselves, which is why I think it's hard for us to forgive and forget when angered or hurt...It's our initial reaction.
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Kriska: I believe that too... but unfortunately for mankind, the majority of the population are not like that... Those are the rare few that exist in this world...But hopefully we all try to strive and be like them...(trying to end on a hopeful note)
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Chio: Especially with leaders-to-be... Why would you vote for someone who won't even be able to help you or address your needs? Isn't that supposedly the role of the leader? to help provide and guide his followers? The perennial question is, will the elected leader be able to follow through on those "promises"? Cause it now seems that the leader has some "utang na loob" to those who gave him that position?
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
@ Regina and Richard: Doesn't the term "utang na loob" seem to stem from the idea of "do unto others what you want others to do unto you"? I don't think it's wrong that if you help someone in the future, just maybe, they can help you in your time of need. You treat others the way you want to be treated though sometimes it ends up being a one-way thing...
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
I agree with the law. It actually is pretty self-explanatory. We have to come to terms that in the field of battle people are only concerned with their betterment and disregard things like mercy and gratitude. What can mercy and gratitude do for them in relation to winning battles? In fact, if they give in your appeal using the aforementioned means then they would be showing signs of weakness.
I remember in Gilgamesh when he was battling Humbaba he didn't give in to showing mercy because he knew that by slaying the monster guarding the Cedar Forest his reputation as a fierce warrior will be strengthened. He was mainly concerned with his own glory and how people see him. He wanted to garner more admiration and respect from his people. Sadly, this is how all if not most people in battle think.
Teri Marcelo
Hi 18-K
I really like this law. This shows the main point that old gratitude can only get you so far but what you can offer now is more important. You can put up a plea saying all of the good things that was done in the past but the past is the past and nothing can change that. This law states the fact of human nature that we will try to get whatever we can from people.
Sean Co
Hi 18 K
People nowadays never really help for the sake of helping. There's always the search for what they gain from helping, and that's why appealing to people's mercy or gratitude doesn't really work.
You have to make it appear like it's a give and take. Appealing to the good side of people nowadays is hard. And this is just sad because this shows how selfish people have become. There are really few people we can say are genuinely generous --those who are willing to do things without asking for anything in return.
Dana Cammayo
Hi18-L
Well, your last line pretty much coincides with the concept of "half-empty half-full." I think that people don't really mean every bit of gratitude they show. Take the case of "user-friendly" for instance. A so-called friend may approach you for the sake of something that you can easily give to him. Consequently, it may seem as he gives you a lot of gratitude and that you are "unknowingly in control" but in fact, you are in his circle of people he can easily fool.
Lambino, Mikail H.
Histo 18 - L
help yourself
https://brainbook.in/ Here are all the law in hindi i found that's awesome
Post a Comment