If you want to be on top, put yourself there, and, says the 36th Law, stay. If something bothers you, ignore it, emphasize your disapproval, diminish its value. Put yourself in a position as high above and as far from it as possible. If you stoop down to anyone else’s level it is to their credit- they are enough of a threat to frighten you, you engage in their game, you give them power. Thus, deal with any threat, but don’t tell anyone.
Pharaoh decided to chase after the Israelites fleeing Egypt after he couldn’t get over letting them go. His army drowned in the process. The message “I am god-king, I give you leave,” would have seemed more god-kingly than “Wait! Come back!”
The point is not to look stupid. Imagine chasing a fly. It’s much smaller than you, but there’s no guarantee you’ll catch it, and you end up jumping around (damaging your composure) to no avail. You will give up anyway, after you’ve lost some dignity. If you ignore the fly, it will most likely go away. If we assume the fly wants you to jump around in pursuit of it, then you will have wasted its time and pissed it off. A good way to deal with an opponent is to irritate the life out of him. This works when you are the man chasing the fly, and when you are the fly.
Henry VIII wanted to divorce his wife (long story). This meant contending with the Catholic Church, not to mention an angry wife. Henry ignores the Church, and locks his wife away somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and proceeds to marry someone else. Had he appealed his case to the Church, he would have lost. Had he given his wife the time and opportunity to contend his wishes, she would have worn down his resolve with endless arguments and domestic tension. Instead he assumes his own superiority and deigns it unregal to let such small pebbles on the path break his stride. In the end the Church of England breaks with Rome, and Henry gets a new wife.
We are not always the king with the bothersome wife. Sometimes (or most of the time), we are the wife, or the fly. If we can’t use what power we have to ignore someone undeniably bigger (if the mob is trying to off you, you can’t ignore them away), we bait him into tiring himself out. This, of course, should only be attempted in low risk situations that don’t involve the mafia.
The point is power. You keep yourself at a higher level by diminishing your opponent’s significance. This is not to say forget the threat, but deal with it away from public knowledge. Technically, engaging in any battle puts you at a greater risk of losing. Don’t get into fights. Thinking of everyday affairs in terms of military strategy also poses a problem. If you don’t think you’re in battle, you’re not. Thus, whoever thinks he’s in battle when he’s not is chasing random flies, an entirely futile exercise. The best way to respond to a challenge is not to take it as such, and thus not to take it.
Submitted by:
Dominique Du
071208
Hi18-L
46 comments:
i agree with Nikka. Coolly ignoring your enemy is the best way to deal with him. I've noticed that whenever i'm unflappable or i give no reaction at all to my sibling who is shouting at me, he is further incensed. It's much more irritating to deal with someone who looks as if he doesn't give a damn about your fight while feeling so emotionally invested in it.
monica ang, L
i liked the Henry VIII example. to some extent, this law emphasizes the fact that, if we do not have something -- if we cannot have something -- then it's best to live without it. it deals with accepting the limitations of control and power (imagine that, even power has limitations) and conceding to a little defeat.
however, the law does not answer how we define the boundaries of power -- how do we know when something is completely out of our reach as individuals empowered and when to ignore something. because we can always strive to reach something -- how do we differentiate between something we can attain through hard work and something we shouldn't work had for because it would be futile.
i guess, this law misses out on the fact that everything is possible therefore, to attain something is merely a question of perseverance, patience and a little hard work.
kyra ballesteros hi18 K
but isn't the desire for the thing that you cannot have, the same thing that evolves you as a person?
the filipinos during the spanish colonization didn't have freedom. Was it better that they fought for it or continue being blind submissive robots? look at us now.
this law says that if you can't have it, give up. let the enemy get sucked up in his glory. but what if he doesn't? and you do not benefit from it at all? too bad you followed this then. HEHE.
but actually these laws are always case to case basis :)
Raf Sobrepena Hi - K
i agree with this law and find it very useful. upon reading your blog, i remembered my experiences in tiangges. whenever i go to tiangges and i see something i like, i am aware of how i present myself to the tinderos or tinderas. if i show that i really desperately like the object, there's a chance that they will raise the price. in this case, they were in control of the situation. however, if i show no enthusiasm, that it is okay whether i buy it or not, they might end up lowering the price. if they desperately need to sell, they might even sell it to me for a price that i like. if i still find the price high and unreasonable, then i'd just walk away. it's their loss. in this case, i was in control.
if i am not able to get what i want, then i should just be like, whatever. ignoring is truly the best revenge. one must not give other people the satisfaction of seeing him lose. it makes them feel better, as if they won. it should be the other way around. you should be in charge and you should call the shots. i like what you said about maintaining power and a high level because by ignoring things, you are maintaining your own dignity and status. you do not allow yourself to be bothered by supposedly lower things. you're right, you should not stoop down to other people's level because you end up playing their game and allow them to take charge. yes, maintain your level.
-Philip Albert T. Verde
Hi18 K
to raf: you don't have to give it up, you just have to appear to give it up so you seem to be in power. never look vulnerable. also, in the case of the filipinos vs. spain, they had power, we didn't. the ignoring should have been done by them. the fly would be the annoying rebel faction, and the powerful unflappable non-caring buggee (counterpart ng bugger XD) would be spain. each law of power is a story told time and again, a pattern that repeats itself throughout history. when you want to take the law to heart, don't just assume the law pertains to what YOU should do in this particular situation. find your role in the story, and use the pattern to predict possible outcomes and decide your course in battle. the filipinos, being the fly, were right not to give up. because they were persistent, the spaniards had no choice but to react. this is how battle are begun and opportunities for victory are opened.
Dominique Du, L
to kyra: yes, everything is possible through hard work and determination, but what you need to know is how much hard work and determination is in you to give. sometimes you just don't have time. sometimes physical limitations arise. henry could have gotten what he wanted eventually, but he needed a strategy that would work quickly and cleanly. also, chance plays too big a part in any battle. when you're dealing with other people, you can't always predict their behavior. catherine would have done everything in her power to prevent henry from succeeding. it's a battle, meaning there is more than one side. no matter how much hard work and determination each side shows, the point is, one of them has to win, and the other has to lose. the alternative is letting it all go on forever.
Philip, I love your tiangge example. It really shows how things like this apply to everyday situations.
-Nikka
oooo. this is a cool law. it's taking the high road. you're not worthy of my time so i'll just leave you be... but that's only the public image. the problem is really dealt with underhandedly. that's cool. i think this law actually works well. because if people don't see that it's a problem, then they have less worries and it seems like the leader has everything under control. i think though it's impt to know when it's too much to ignore. like the whole sars episode in china. my brother was there and he said the chinese gov't told them that only 10 people ahd it. so he wasn't worried. but of course everyone outside china knew better. something like that. it's still striking a balance. but i think this law would do well for lots of people. :)
ocampo 18-k
When people chase what they cannot have they sometimes come out as desperate and weak. Acceptance and sometimes ignorance could lead someone to gaining power over desire.
Dont get me wrong, it is absolutely fine to work hard for something that you want, just make sure you don not come out as a weak and powerless individual.
Richard Hahn
L
This is one of the more peculiar, but nevertheless sensible laws. I just don't think that the law is telling us to give up or to fake surrender to gain advantage over an enemy. I think that the point of the law is to focus on what you HAVE and to ignore what you don't have. Treat what you don't or can't have as unnecessary, and instead, develop what you have to compensate for and eventually surpass what you don't.
The less you seem interested in something you don't or can't have, the more you can seem powerful and supreme.
Chio Cebrero
Hi 18 L
Think of the US Army based in Iraq, because of George W. Bush's command. He believed that there was a war to be fought because of terrorist attacks and whatnot, and as a result was the huge number of casualties from the Army and even the Iraqi troops. Such led to a massive public disapproval against Bush. If he had learned when to stop, and when to have pulled back the Army, the people would probably still have an ounce of respect from him. Bush left the White House, shameful and disgraced for having been the most useless leader of the United States ever in history.
Gliza Marasigan
Hi18-L
to richard:
EXACTLY. excellent point. for some reason, going after something you obviously cannot have seems like a weak move. there is power in acceptance. if you ignore things you cannot have, it shows that you are unmoved and unaffected, that you are in charge of the situation.
of course, we should also work hard to attain the things that we like in life. but when it comes to the point that it is impossible for you to have it, then why force it? you might just waste time and effort. just ignore and show others that it's ok with you.
-Philip Albert T. Verde
Hi18 K
I love the fly analogy. And I think this is one of those laws which isn't so negative. It's one everyone should follow and take to heart. I mean, how many villains have been foiled simply because they themselves had to rant at the captured protagonist and execute an elaborate plot to kill the guy. Let some henchmen ambush him and shoot him in the head. No fanfare needed. The problem's solved; you can take over the world or whatever you wish then and there. But going back to my point, I think this is the law parents tell their kids. Ignore the bully. Wag mong pansinin at magsasawa din 'yan. At mawawala.
But I think we have to realize that this is so much harder than you'd expect. Ignoring the guy is the higher road, but, as simple as it seems, it's so much harder too. I mean, if a fly lands on your arm and you just ignore it, it's not gonna fly away just like that. You're gonna have to swat at it a couple times before it leaves you. That is, if you're lucky. Your problem will keep on coming back, and I think simply ignoring it won't solve it. You're gonna have to shoo it before the fly flies away.
Sam Bautista
Hi18-K
Raf Sobrepena has a point.
But I've always believed that the best way to irk someone is to ignore them. If you did ignore someone and they didn't notice it or care of it, then what's the loss? Either way you didn't get what you wanted.
And you'd be surprised at what people will do when they want to be noticed.
Power hungry people do things that they do because (aside from power) they want fame, right?
I wouldn't really call this a law of power. It's actually more of a law for coping. It reminds me a lot about Freud's defense mechanisms such as denial, reaction formation, and repression.
Also, the using the silent treatment can possibly work to your advantage. One of the things one cannot stand is guilt. Guilt eats you up and as much as possible you want to make it go away. Ignoring someone for an extended period of time is bothering. As time passes, it gets torturous especially if that person is clueless. There will be a need for that person to know what is truly going on. Eventually, what you can't have will be the one crawling to you.
Krizia Javate
Hi-18 K
I think this law is best used when you already have power, thus this law seems to a law in protecting power, not for attaining it.
Thus, it is still equally important, as staying in power means being able to have a strong heart to withstand any beating that stings straight to your very person. Ignoring the "flies" would certainly better than wasting your power on them.
Alan Ortiz
HI18 K
i think this law is teaching us how to counter the 32nd and the 37th laws of power, if they were used against us. in the said laws, it is stated that one should try to distract their enemies by luring them with their fantasies and by creating distractions, respectively. but i do not agree totally with this law. this law asks us to be a "sigurista" and be in the safe side always. but how can one gain power if we don't take risks and try something new? how can one attain things that one cannot have if one does not actually try? the point is, there are times that we should try to take risks, but only when the juice is worth the squeeze.
John Kristoffer M. Gomez
hi18 - section L
this law works in some small power situations like when your enemy is trying to make you jealous by letting you overhear her bragging about stuff. if you act like you're not impressed by him/her, he'll just be disappointed he didn't get a rise out of you. But if you disdain whatever he's talking about, and get others to do the same, he might start questioning his taste, be embarassed and have his move backfire on him which would hopefullly stop him from doing it again.
monica ang, L
pls pls comment on my post - 47th law =)
"You don't want me? Fine, the grass is greener over there anyway." - William Hung
is probably what he said after completely bombing during his American Idol audition. Weird example, I know but bear with me. :)
We all pretty much know that he didn't really make it far on that show. However, he did manage to make a name for himself (even if it isn't that prestigious). Apparently, some record execs found that his terrible innocence had a market. Trust me, I've heard his "album" and it's one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my whole life.
See? William still made a CD. William still became a star. He can't sing, but he's probably more famous than you.
Joey Palma
Hi18-K
forget about trying since you couldn't get it anyway. this is really pessimistic but practical. taking risks is a big no here i guess. this way you save more resources but at the same time, you shut down the opportunity to grow. sometimes taking risks gives a big payoff, but then again how many times can you have that sometimes?
JR Resma
Hi18 K
I agree with what Krizia said. We are merely rationalizing our defeats and unconsciously using defense mechanisms to relieve our anxiety. It is important to do this so that we won't get ahead of ourselves and think irrationally. We might end up making hard decisions if we are too caught up with our own defeats. I think you'll be able to hit your opponent harder by ignoring him, showing that you don't care whatever he does to you or did in the case of defeat. Instead of using all of your resources to get back, simply sit back, relax and wait for their own annoyance to stir up when you are doing nothing and seem unaffected.
It's also important to realize that you really can't have everything. Accepting the limits of your power will allow you to not waste your time on trivial things and keep on looking forward, progressing instead of regressing.
Teri Marcelo
Hi 18-K
This reminds me of the silent treatment or the cold shoulder. Sometimes that's the worst thing you can do to someone. Some people act out because they seek attention, be it good or bad, it's what excites or fuels them... But if you ignore them entirely, you're cutting their supply.
Gail Lim
Hi 18-K
to bea: the china thing was more to prevent mass panic. government transparency is ideal, but honestly people tend to freak out, and if i ruled a country, i would probably keep things from people too. hopefully get rid of the problem before they found out about it. i guess there are mutated form sof the law, but i think this one only works with people. disdaining a virus won't piss it off. it just gives it time to get worse. So the point is, you need to define your enemy? =shrug=
-Nikka
to raf and lles: just thought of this. you both say that you shouldn't give up on things, unlike what this law says. but what is at the root of this law is that you should never admit defeat. it's the same thing as trudging on indefinitely. you're resisting the same thing: having to admit that you're less than something.
-Nikka
Although this law has a good point, I don't really agree with this law. I believe that taking risks and taking challenges will make us grow and learn new things. Of course, there will be times of failures too, but I think we will be able to learn a lot of lessons from those failures too. In life, there are a lot of small and big challenges and opportunities, avoiding them just because of the negative effects that it can bring, would never make us reach the top.
Yu Chin Hong
Hi18-K
to kris: you don't have to not take the risk, you just have to look like you aren't. you just need to appear unfazed.
to sam: of course you swat it away. you just don't run after it for the next half hour (you may have seen me do this. clearly, i have not taken this law to heart.)
to gliza: ONGA NO. perfect contemporary example.
to joey: taray mo XD
to mon: i love how you predicted the outcome. onga. ganun mangyayari. people, makinig kay monica.
-Nikka
to teri and krizia: HAHAHAHAHAA!!! STOP PSYCHOLOGIZING MY LAW!
But i totally agree with you. most of the time, when you act like something that doesn't matter, it's more to convince yourself than anyone else. it would hurt too much otherwise.
-Nikka
O.O I actually wrote half my comments myself. Pathetic. O. Ito pang isa. Hee.
The Law states that you must diminish something's value when you realize you do not have it or are otherwise unable to attain it. Like most of the laws, this one deals with the relationship of Power and the Self. how much do you allow your desires to take power away from you? In the same way that desire empowers you through motivation, it disperses that power when you realize the scope and magnitude of what you must accomplish in order to attain what you want. If you CONTROL your DESIRES then you control yourself. This law is correct in stating that you need to stop needing -- need only the things you have or the things you are capable of having.
the philosophy of NOT fighting is also an intriguing notion: fighting by not fighting -- being arrogant enough to believe that, to some extent, one is completely independent and self-sufficient. What matters, then, is pulling it off, tightening your belt, and refusing to become slave to Desire.
when it comes down to it, the ultimate battles always occur within the self, asking some or other form of the basic, existential question:
WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?
kyra ballesteros hi18K
I like the William Hung example of Joey Palma. :p William didn't get what he aimed for, being the next Idol, but he didn't make a big deal out of it. Perhaps he just shrugged it off, thinking there would be better things for him. Just ignoring it is a better way of dealing than crying your heart out like it's the end of the world for you when you don't get into an audition. Crying and all that makes you look more like a loser :p
Dana Cammayo
Hi18-L
In the world of Psychology, psychologist have this term "classical conditioning." This concept refers to the shaping of one's behavior through various activities. One example is the cases of tantrums. In order to solve a child's tantrum what we need to do is simply ignore it. In the child's perspective, he'll see that his crying-out-loud actions wouldn't generate any positive feedback from the parents, hence, the child will stop crying, problem solved.
Lambino, Mikail.
L
I like what you said: "You keep yourself at a higher level by diminishing your opponent’s significance." It is similar to when two people are in an argument(usually a petty one) and friends who give advice will say "don't stoop down to their level". Dwelling on things you can't really control will do nothing for you but waste your time and effort. Ignoring them allows you to concentrate on other more meaningful things that can be more useful in winning the argument or in letting go and moving on to bigger and better things.
Regina A. Yulo
Hi 18 L
@lambino:
i agree with your comment, its just that i don't see classical conditioning, or the use of negative punishment(i.e. ignoring) can become of a mode of revenge. if we're talking about the long term effects of classical conditioning, the subject of the negative punishment will get used after a period of time.
Cristal Rodriguez
hi18-L
This law involves a lot of psychological strength. To try and ignore something irritating or make it seem insignificant is something not everyone can do. Of course this shouldn’t be done to all problems, but to those select few that are actually not that relative. Pairing this law with optimism is a good way to successfully apply this law. Those who are pessimistic in nature or of a negative disposition are bound to give in to anger, thus giving significance to a problem that shouldn’t even be significant to begin with.
Paolo Banaga
Hi 18-L
What immediately came to my mind was the entertainment culture we used to talk about in communication theory class. You know how at times some celebrities just seem to lead the perfect kind of life that people end up feeling bad about themselves?
Well, our professor pointed out that most of the time, people who feel that way end up mounting themselves on their horses, "looking down" on these celebrities as they read about the scandals these celebs are involved in to make themselves feel good about not being in their shoes. This is done with the idea of gaining superiority over those they feel inferior to at the back of their minds. The less you seem interested in something you can't have, the more you can feel powerful. And this seems to be the kind of principle applicable to that situation.
Chua Rojas, Serica
Hi 18 - L
The first thing that came to my mind when I read the title of the law is “sour graping” (disdain for things you can’t have) but immediately saw this is not what the law was about. I believe that the chasing a fly analogy is a good one because it works both ways. One would just need to irritate the hell out of the other party, right? And to do this, one should diminish the significance of the other person’s concerns. I think this law is really about pride. Destroy one’s pride by ignoring it. But i agree with paolo that this takes a lot of psychological strength. only a few people can stay cool amidst extreme irritations...
Chris Macalinao
Hi18 - L
i agree with this rule. i believe that what it all boils down to is simply knowing what you can and cant have. in publicly showing that you still want what someone else has, you give it more value, therefore exposing a personal weakness. on the other hand, in publicly treating it as though you dont need it, you show how to you, it is merely dispensable, as you already have everything you could possibly need. Of, the two, the latter is what a more respectable character would most probably do.
-Angelo Mendoza, His18-L
to paolo: i wouldn't say psychological strength. more of strength of psychology. the mind is powerful, and if you're disappointment is great, you can convince yourself that you never really wanted it in the first place, whatever "it" is. and this is how insecurities and defense mechanisms are born. as children grow they interact with people. all kids have some degree of psychological trauma, whether born of a single incident or a lifetime of maltreatment. we want acceptance and are not given it, thus we develop an aversion to people. we want to feel capable but can't get praise or do things ourselves, and we grow up pushing ourselves to win. these kinds of things masquerade as strength, but they are born of weakness.
to all those who implied this, there were a number of you, it's good that you drew out the idea that in situations like these, the desired is the enemy. to quote The Eagles, "they say that anger is just love disapppointed."
-nikka
I think this law is very hard to follow. How can one not worry of what his/her opponent does that goes against your will? It can not be easily done by ordinary people.
If I were annoyed by my enemy, I would have been pissed off. I would have thrown a punch to him and this would only please him because I reacted to what he has planned. But if I can ignore what he says and does, he, himself, would be tired out. Thus, I gain victory over your enemy.
But this needs great courage and patience and I want to give credit to those who can do this not because they can ignore the enemy and gain victory over them,but because they have patience and calmness that ordinary person doesn't have.
Hae In Lee
Hi18 K
I agree that this is something that's hard to do. Probably because if you really like something, there's always that part in you that's saying, "You can do it" even though it's obvious you can't. If you can do it (ignore them), though, I think it'll have good effects. You'll have less things to worry about and more time to dedicate to more important things.
Leo Zacarias hi18-L
I dealt with a narcissist a few years ago and it was amazing how as soon as I would ignored him, he'd start trying to get my attention. I later learned that to ignore a narcissist, is the greatest pain you can inflict on them.
In the end I did eventually break down and e-mail him (a mature/non-inflammatory) reply but I learned later that I had pissed him off because he thought I was going to ignore him.
How I see it, even if the person who hurt or pissed you off, now wants nothing to do with you (and is actually the one ignoring you) by moving on and not having a reaction, will still make them wonder why you never tried to talk to them again. It's more mysterious and it definitely makes someone feel unimportant so it's the best kind of revenge really....ESPECIALLY for people who have an ego of any kind!
Also, just to add...while you're basking in the contentment of not caring (oohh, I like that line)they're left 'wondering'. Perfect really.
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