Friday, December 19, 2008

Law 16: Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor


A man said to a Dervish: "Why do I not see you more often?" The Dervish replied, "Because the words 'Why have you not been to see me?' are sweeter to my ear than the words 'Why have you come again?'"

Mulla Jami, quoted in Idries Shahs Caravan of Dreams, 1968

Jesus Christ was a very popular guy back in his time because he proclaimed that he is the Messiah. He was so popular that he created several enemies who wanted him dead for saying such things. Jesus' death on the cross changed everything – people talked about him and eventually created a religion about him, making him the most well-known person in the world.

The sixteenth Law of Power is all about using absence to increase respect and honor. When one is exposed to something often and consistently, he or she grows tired of it, making it worthless. The law suggests that you make yourself scarce in order to increase your value. A person whose work is so great attracts attention from others. If this person lurks in the shadows, then more people would look for him to see his greatness.

You must learn to how to schedule your disappearance in order for this law to be successful though. Take for example Sir Pierre de Barjac, a knight who traveled around France in the Middle Ages with Sir Guillaume de Balaun. He fell in love with a lady named Viernetta. One day, Pierre and Viernetta had a huge fight, and when they reconciled, he felt that he fell more in love with Viernetta. He said that the stronger and longer the fight, the sweeter the love is after reconciliation.

So what do you think? Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? :-)

Patricia Cristina P. Magnaye

II – BS Psychology

History 18, K

54 comments:

Reggae Princess said...

I believe in this especially the bit about the trick to the law is not merely being absent but scheduling your absence. For example, for the grander effect, I think your absence should figure in after the peak of things. You should establish a wee bit of respect and honor or something grand enough to spark emotions first before you can actually be missed. Being absent earlier would not really matter as much. Then there is the frequency of absence- I think that if the emotions sparked at the peak of things are not THAT strong, the "fondness growth" (I think I'm inventing phrases here XP)brought about by the absence would eventually stop because again, you get used to the absence and it doesn't matter that much anymore (This just shows us how truly amazing Jesus Christ was, right? B)). So, to prevent this, the absence should not be something continuous or regular. Unpredictability wins at life. :D Alternate doing great things and absence and you will surely be missed. And you will surely be rare. And people will surely seek you out. And you will surely have power.



- Marion Causing Hi18 K

Anonymous said...

this law can be applied to the arts industry. Whenever a famous rock star or painter goes dead or has gone AWOL, their sales go up!
In economics, sometimes, the less available something is (supply), the higher the price and demand for that good becomes.

monica ang, L

Anonymous said...

Dracula said Absence is the aphrodisiac of the soul.

in my opinion, if you do not have something, the moment you are finally able to obtain is greater because it is marked out in your memory. it's the same for economics, for holidays (which only come once a year). our saying "ngayon lang naman" conforms to this law.

if you increase your value, you will become an occasion all to yourself -- instead of an individual, you become an event, of sorts.

being a rarity, however, entails that you aren't always needed AND that when DO appear, are available, the goods you produce are excellent -- you raise the bar for yourself. you must continually become better because people remember what you perform (due to scarcity) and you must always improve.

kyra ballesteros hi18 K

Anonymous said...

When you're always available, there's a tendency that you would be taken for granted. Others may appreciate you when they need something from you, but when it's all over and done with, poof you (become koko krunch hehe) are put aside and neglected.

With regards to your question, I believe that absence will spicen things up in a relationship, especially now when MOST, not all, separate because "nagkasawaan".

When things between couples become a routine, they should worry. They should at least try to put more effort or do small things which would add fuel to the fire.

They should, also, never underestimate the small, petty fights, with reasons such as "hindi kami naggogrow sa relationship", "sawa na ako" or "lagi na lang ako", because these can result into break ups. And they would only realize the importance of that other person in the end, when that person is gone.

"You'll never know what you have till he/she/it's gone."

Tom Manahan
Hi 18 - K

Anonymous said...

TOM DRAMA! HAHA. but in context to what he said.

in the olden filipino times, when two people are engaged, a week before their wedding, they are separated. It's a test if they really love each other. distance becomes a key to the relationship. it may either destroy it or strengthen it. if they survive it, it proves to both of them that their relationship is more than just infatuation and that their marriage gives that deeper meaning a seal.

AWWWWWWWWWWW

Raf Sobrepena Hi - K

sambau said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sambau said...

Absence really does make the heart go fonder. I've had firsthand experience and I think you can never really truly appreciate someone until they disappear for a while. Just look at some of the most beautiful love songs ever written. They're usually poetic ways of saying "I miss you. No really, I miss you BAD," put into music.

But it's all in the timing. You won't be missed if you don't mean anything to the person you disappear from, right? (that was a mouthful) But if you stick around too long, people could very easily get tired of your presence. Madaling masawa. Their need for you could disappear before you do, and then you won't be missed at all. Like Tom said, like Koko Krunch (great analogy by the way. haha.) things could go "poof" too quickly.

So I think you'd have to be vary careful. If not, you could lose whatever power you had too easily.

Sam Bautista
Hi18-K

Anonymous said...

absence can indeed increase an object's value. i agree with what monica said about the law of supply and demand. if a certain object is available in abundance, people might take it for granted and not crave for it so much. but if there is this object that is limited or few in number, people might desperately try to seek it.

the same goes with food. for example, you eat a hamburger every single day of your life. eventually, it becomes routine and you may not even pay attention to the taste of the hamburger any longer. but if you eat a hamburger for the first time, you can end up so impressed and amazed with how delicious the hamburger tastes.

the same goes with people. don't we cherish every moment and make the most out of the time we have with a friend whom we have not seen in many years? if that were friend were only visiting and had to leave after a few days, wouldn't we maximize the time we have with that friend?

yes, absence definitely increases something or someone's value.

Anonymous said...

-Philip Albert T. Verde
Hi18 K

Anonymous said...

pc!! my mom always uses this when she thinks me and my ate are spending too much time with a certain group of friends (mainly just boys). she always says: don't be bawang! me and my ate: what the hell does that mean. my mom: because bawang is in every filipino dish. you don't even notice it's there anymore. put a price on yourself. and make sure you're very very very expensive! like saffron.

ok. weird example but i guess it applies to this. if you're always there, people will take you for granted. if you're there sporadically, then people will anticipate your coming and will always wait for you, hoping that you come but never being sure if you will. ... gets? my brother has a whole theory to this. :))

ocampo 18-k

Anonymous said...

Know when absence is necessary. Experience tells me that the more you are present in certain event, say for example in org events, the more that you would incur the favor of many because they see you often and you are able to share what you can do. They become very impressed with your dedication and your craft. This generates respect and honor.

On the other hand, on matters of love where absence makes the heart grow fonder I believe that this is true to this situation however to a certain extent. If you become too far of reach from your beloved, then this would become grounds for the both of you to fall apart. In a relationship, connection between both parties is of the essence. Choosing to be absent should be done moderately otherwise your beloved would think that you are taking him or her for granted. He or she on the contrary loses his or her respect for you as well.

Rhea Entuna
Hi-L

Miguel Galvez said...

I actually believe in this law. In my point-of-view, this helps me determine who my REALLY close friends are and who are JUST my friends.

Normally, if I meet up with my REALLY close friends that I haven't seen in a long time, they react in an excited and "Awww, I miss you!" way, which does happen more often than not. But, if I unintentionally see my JUST friends that I haven't seen in a long time around campus or a mall, we would just give each other a casual greeting and move on with our lives as if it never happened.

Sounds shallow and weird, doesn't it? But hey, this law definitely works for me.

- Juan Carlos Miguel M. Galvez
Hi18 - L

Anonymous said...

I think people are likely to take things that are always available for granted. For an instance, electricity. We all know that it is indeed important in our daily lives. But we take it for granted for most of the time, for the fact that it is always available for us, anytime, anywhere. As Patricia mentioned, there is a famous quote that goes, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Although these examples might be a little off from respect and honor, I think that all these are similar because they are all positive attitude / feelings towards something / someone.

I personally think that absence does make the heart grow fonder, and it allows us to realize the importance to the fullest. However, too much absence might even decrease respect and honor because there is another saying that goes, "out of sight, out of mind". When the absence is too prolonged, I guess the people tend to forget and their feelings for that person, whether positive or negative, would lessen.


Yu Chin Hong
Hi18-K

Anonymous said...

This is a recourse to my law, "Isolation is dangerous". Yes, the timing to reappear once more is important, but I think the LENGTH of time absent is also a factor. Think of the grandson of the Cleopatra - Mark Antony affair. He has been gone too long from the "Roman scene", which is why killing him seem so much easier than tossing a coin.

Hmm, and also Qin Shi Huang, who was absent ALL THE TIME.

Sure absence is a benefit in itself. (Cutting, whehe) Look at MacArthur. Huge comeback. Those artists also use absence to clear out their thoughts.

However, too much absence DOES NOT make a heart go fonder. Too much absence = F.

Dylan Valerio
Hi18L

Joey said...

I am a fan of large-scale socio-anthropological theory. (Nerd, yes.)

But I'm really impressed by this whole absence business. Being able to gather respect and honor in spite of allegedly disappearing into the blue is quite a feat. It's funny that that would be the case since you, the missing person, wouldn't be able to witness the fruits of your departure.

That in mind, that's why I believe that some people run away, or have a deathwish - so that they can generate the effects of this law for the sake of vanity.

Joey Palma
Hi18-K

Anonymous said...

yeah! its like the saying, 'longing makes the heart grow fonder', you have to make people miss you so when you get back they are more excited to see you... though you also have to be careful with the people who are 'out of sight, out of mind' cause if you are gone too long they will eventually stop remembering you. so really you have to make a big impression on people before you leave or you wont really be remembered or missed :D

Gabby Locsin
hi 18 k

Gliza Marasigan said...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- but it has its limits.

When you've been gone for so long, people tend to forget about you -- especially when you fail to get people to remember you by. When you leave no trace of yourself, or there's no one to remind people about you, the respect and honor for you would diminish.

Also, always have that something about you, something that not everybody had (or has) and use that to increase the people's respect towards you. If you were just another normal person, why would there even be a need to keep your memory inside peoples' heads?

Gliza Marasigan
Hi18-L

Anonymous said...

Onga Marion. If you don't time your disappearance correctly and leave when emotions are insignificant enough to be ignored, you most likely won't be missed.
I had a fight with a friend once. It was probably my fault, but I ignored her for a month afterwards, and she practically came to my door with flowers. This law works, but only if there's an established relationship for it to be built upon. You have to show up and leave a mark so people notice you're gone.
This is another one that's based on illusions. You have to keep yourself squeaky clean in people's eyes, and the best way to do that is to leave after doing your greatest work so people remember you for THAT, and none of the letdowns that come after. People will believe what they want to believe, and it's human nature to deify. Be obscure and unseen and you may well end up having unexplainable phenomena attributed to you.
Dominique Du, L

Anonymous said...

yeah i do agree with your final statement. but that only applies to people who love each other. in the case where there is no love, absence makes the heart forget. ahahaha i heard that somewhere. forgot who told me though. anyway, that's not the point. my point is that too much of something is never good. they say vitamin C can never be overdosed. but i heard that taking too much vitamin C can cause pimples. (i'm just not sure about the reliability of that source. haha) so no matter what, in excess, can be bad or cause you not to like it anymore, and even hate it. okay i'm going nowhere so i better stop here. haha

-Loo, a friend

Anonymous said...

...is like you realizing that he/she is really gone and, now, you're doing everything just to see him/her back into your life; but, it's too hard since you don't know whether he/she will even take you back after all that has been said and done but that doesn't stop you because you will do all you can with the reason of your heart, now, pounding stronger and stronger and it feels as if it's just about to burst with all the sudden emotion that had been built up and now ready to explode like a volcano with all its molten goodness; but, it's hard, just too hard, because it is only now that you realize that his/her absence made your heart grow fonder; but what is Love without loss and what is absence without the loss of something which, here, is pertaining to Love which two people share - two people who didn't know that they are meant to be together forever - is the sadness of absence.

It's confusing isn't it -- absence?



Hahahaha.... Ang emo! But, yeah, absence makes the heart grow fonder only if Love exists between the two entities.


Anonymously,
Goots, naguluhan sa sariling sinabi hahaha

Anonymous said...

From experience, I think absence does work up to a certain extent. However its a choice really whether a person actually values someone more through his/her absence. It's not necessary that the person absent is actually not there, as it should be still present in the hearts of those who believe in him/her. This law cannot also cannot achieve it's full potential if the acts done by the person absent isn't enough to resonate greatness.

Alan Ortiz
HI18 K

Say said...

It's interesting how through doing this project, I find that laws are becoming more interconnected to each other.

Marion's right about the fact that timing to the absence is important (a reflection on the law about mastering the art of timing?). In that just being absent without any sort of consideration would actually be more dangerous to you... Everyday example is cutting classes haha, baka may quiz e =P

At some point absence can be the enemy, that instead of using it to increase respect and honor, it can increases shame... what I mean is that sometimes we think that not being there would lessen tensions and not stir the waters...

Jame Say
Hi18-K

ice :) said...

I agree with this law. Absence really does stir up interest. However, Don't be absent for way too long or people will get tired of waiting for your comeback. Know the perfect timing.

Also, I don't see how absence increases respect and honor. I think this law increases love and affection more than respect and honor. It's more of increasing an objects value to you.
How can people respect a leader who is often times absent? Wouldn't that show irresponsibility?

Too much of something is bad.

Clarice Manuel
Hi18 K

Anonymous said...

I think this law is only valid to those who truly have achieved greatness. Lets say one of your classmates who never talked in class or bothered to make any friends went on a leave of absence for one whole semester. Would you really end up being sad that that person was gone? People should analyze themselves fully and critically think if they had made an impact on people's lives and if that impact is big enough to cause people to increase their respect and honor for them when they are absent.

It's sad to think that most people of greatness are only credited for their work and impact posthumously. One example is Vincent van Gogh. Who would have thought that this senile man who cut his own ear out of frustration would sell paintings worth millions of dollars? Who would have thought that this person would be immortalized with the help of his work? He barely sold any paintings when he was alive. However, because of the uniqueness and great talent he showed in his paintings people steadily came to realize of his true prowess in the realm of the arts.

Bottom line: Know your strengths and analyze the gravity of our influence on people and really reflect if you are worth missing.

Teri Marcelo
Hi 18-K

Sean said...

This law reminds me of mothers. Whenever you are gone for a few days to years then comeback, your mother makes a big deal of you coming back every single time. However, the passion that exists after a long absence is not the same during everyday activities when you see each other everyday even if the love remains.

Sean Co
Hi 18 K

Anonymous said...

i can see this law as more of a "epic grand entrance after a long absence kind of thing". i'm not sure if people do find that as an increase in respect and honor, but i do give props for those who do in the right time.

it may be short term, as in spur of the moment "wow" but indeed, you'll be surprised every time someone arrives to save the day.

miguel ignacio, L

Anonymous said...

I also agree with this law.
However, what makes this use of absence more effective is the wise scheduling of it.
When this tactic is used too often, this becomes no longer effective because people tend to become exhausted in looking for you. However, when you make the good timing, it will help people realize how important you were and you can gain respect and honor.
Then when is the good timing?
I think being absent for some time when you are of great necessity for someone is a good tactic. When people do not need you, they will not notice whether you are absent or not. However, whenever they need you and if you are not around, people will do whatever to find you.

Hae In Lee
Hi18 K

Anonymous said...

I also agree with this law.
However, what makes this use of absence more effective is the wise scheduling of it.
When this tactic is used too often, this becomes no longer effective because people tend to become exhausted in looking for you. However, when you make the good timing, it will help people realize how important you were and you can gain respect and honor.
Then when is the good timing?
I think being absent for some time when you are of great necessity for someone is a good tactic. When people do not need you, they will not notice whether you are absent or not. However, whenever they need you and if you are not around, people will do whatever to find you.

Hae In Lee
Hi18 K

Anonymous said...

This law is absolutly true at some extent. Absence could greatly tap into once curiousity thus making one more interested. In the case of the economy. If one has a hard time coping up with the market, one might consider pulling out first. Taking an absence by pulling out of a business could save you time, money, and resources.

Richard Hahn
L

Elise Lim said...

This law applies to many fields, especially in economics wherein the more scarce a commodity is, the higher a producer can charge for it, thus, its value elevates. This law also goes as far as social events and showbiz, when a person is rising to fame, everybody wants him/her to appear at parties, to grace magazine covers, to endorse products; giving him/her the power to charge a great sum of money. But once this star is everywhere, people get bored, and it gets more and more difficult for this person to land a job. The celebrity has been commodified, and the commodity has lost its value.


Elise Noelle Anne Lim
Hi18 Section L

jaki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jaki said...

kinda reminds me of eulogies. when a person dies, people say all the good stuff about them. they thank the person, saying how great he was when he was alive, and what not.

it's just ironic that we only see the value of a thing or person when he/it's gone.that's why we should be more sensitive to our surroundings. always try to find the things we usually overlook and appreciate them.

jaclyn yap
hi 18 K
law #35: Master the art of timing

Anonymous said...

@ Patricia, this was my law too and I really like the example you gave using Jesus Christ. It is so relatable for so many people. When he was living, though he did make an impact on a lot of people and had an acceptable following, it was truly his death, his "absence" that changed the world. The Resurrection is probably one of the most earth shattering events in history because it proved everything that Jesus preached when he was alive. It also fulfilled the wishes of the people he left behind that were eagerly waiting for His return.


Regina A. Yulo
Hi 18 L

Anonymous said...

I believe that this law holds true in so many occasions. As much as something makes us happy, there would always come a point when we would actually grow tired of it. To remedy this, there is not much we can do other than lessen our encounters with that certain something. With this absence comes longing, and with longing comes submission. In this light, it could be said that the possession of something is just as important to its value as the lack of it.

-Angelo Mendoza, His18-L

sericachuarojas said...

Often times, we don't realize what we have until it's gone. There's always a kind of irking that creeps into our hearts when the absence of someone finally sinks into us. I feel that this law has got to be one of the most truthful, not just in terms of gaining power, but emotions as well.

To answer your question, the idea of prolonging your access to something definitely sucks a whole lot out of you..When I was little and had very little control over the foods I wanted served, I'd make sure that I eat them up slowly when I get the chance to do so. It is because the 'little me" knew that an opportunity as such doesn't come very easily, therefore, I had to savor every single minute of that moment, knowing it might not come again.

P.S. My favorite food then was chicken with the most heavenly taste of crispy chicken skin that feeds me joy every time I munch on it. :D

Chua Rojas, Serica
Hi 18 - L

Anonymous said...

Absence can be quite a tool when used with the right timing. And I also think you have to have some kind of good reputation first before being absent, or else the people won’t go looking for you or they won’t see any difference from the time you are not there from a time when you’re not.

I think this law works because we always find rare things valuable. Jewelries are valuable; caviar is expensive because of its scarcity. And also, if you’re a mysterious person who suddenly went missing, people will try to find you because of their innate curiosity. This law actually takes advantage of human nature.


Chris Macalinao
Hi18 - L

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Anonymous said...

Especially if people are taking you for granted/not respecting you, think they can pick/leave your friendship when they choose,, diappearing, being absent will make them realize what they lost and they will miss/crave you. And the repect will come back. may take 1, 5, even 10 years but it will happen.